God Awful Movies

In this week's episode, we polish off the grand finale of the WWJD trilogy with an installment that maintains the series' continuity by having nothing to do with the other ones, just like the sequel.  Dr. T joins us to recount a story of tragedy, heartache, and not hurting anyone.If you'd like to follow Dr. T on Twitter, trust us, you'll just want to click here.Our theme song was written and pe...

In this week's episode, Eli, Noah, and Heath break down the sequel to last week's homage to things happening randomly and in questionable focus; What Would Jesus Do 2: The Woodcarver.  This nearly impossible to properly punctuate sequel adds an Oscar eligible performance from Christian movie powerhouse John Ratzenberger, to answer the age old question of what gay GILF porn would look like if yo...

This week we meet a drifter with a heart of gold and no idea how humanity works. In a small California town with a bafflingly robust homeless population, a Jesus analog enters the lives of six community theater rejects; leaving both the characters and the viewers pondering one simple question... WTF?  Or, as they titled their movie (based on the bracelet of the same name) What Would Jesus Do?--...

This week Eli, Noah, and Heath break down Little Boy, the true story of Jesus giving nuclear bomb powers to an 8 year old so that he could massacre Japanese civilians by the thousands during World War II.  Terrible apologetics, an awful portrayal of stage magicians, and a plot that forces him to repeatedly pronounce the world "nuclear" combine to create the perfect storm of misery for Eli.  And...

In this week's episode, Eli, Noah, and Heath tackle a movie about little girl who has the ability to cure cancer, AIDS, heart disease, and kidney failure, but instead uses it to cure hamsters with indigestion.  But when her atheist mother finds out, she puts a stop to all this magical altruism in a hurry in Heaven's Door.--- Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Gir...

This week, Tom and Cecil from Cognitive Dissonance join us to break down a tale of a live triangle between a woman, her rapist, and her stalker.  Join us as we see exactly how many offended emails a podcast can fit into a single inbox, as we tackle the most disturbing film we've encountered so far, Loving the Bad Man.---Our theme song is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes o...

This week comedian Rebecca Vigil joins Heath, Noah, and Eli to break down Christmas Angel, a movie that was just dissimilar enough from Touched by an Angel not to violate any copyrights.  Listen in as we move one depressing step closer to having seen Kevin Sorbo's entire filmography.If you had as much fun with musical comedian Rebecca Vigil as much as we did, you should follow her on Twitter. ...

This week, Eli, Noah, and Heath break down Silver Bells, the story of a man whose competitive ways lead to criminal trouble when he accidentally hits somebody with a basketball just as all American jurisprudence disappears from the earth.  He's sentenced to Christianity, where he learns that winning isn't everything, and homeless people eat flour.---Our theme song is written and performed by Ry...

This week, Heath makes a triumphant return to welcome guest masochist Michael Marshall; Project Director of the Good Thinking Society, co-host of Skeptics with a K, and host of Be Reasonable.  Together, we take on What If…; the story of It’s a Wonderful Life, but in reverse.  We watch Kevin Sorbo turn from a successful, philanthropic, considerate investment banker, to a failed reverend in a ter...

In this week's episode, Eli and Noah reach the belated end of the Thief in the Night quadrilogy with a story of fiction's tidiest nuclear disaster.  Join the petulant Christian, the sheep-haired 80s chick, the nuclear biologist, Jimmy the Mutant, and a sentient stocking full of mashed potatoes as they navigate the post-apocalyptic hellscape of radiation and helicopters.---If you'd like to hear ...

This week Eli and Noah tackle the third film in the Thief in the Night series, Image of the Beast.  And as we descend further into hellscape of Russell S. Doughten's untreated mental illness, we find that computers are evil, Satan has a pretty good lawyer on retainer, and there will be locusts.  Glorious, glorious locusts.---Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Gira...

In this week's episode, Eli and Noah tackle the second movie in the infamous A Thief in the Night series; A Distant Thunder.  This is the story of the all the stuff the girl dreamed about in the first movie happening in real life; which basically means it's the story of the first movie, but all the actors are six years older.  With a bold redefinition of cinematic insanity, this film more than ...

This week, Eli and Noah break down our most oft-requested film; A Thief in the Night.  This launches a three part (or possibly four part if we can take it) series on one of the a movie that's horrible production quality pales in comparison to it's psychological abuse of a moral.--- Our theme was written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars, and was used with permission.  If ...

In this week's episode, Eli and Noah tackle Redeemed, a movie about how thinking about having a platonic, purely conversational relationship with a person you aren't married to will destroy your marriage. Our theme song was written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars.

This week, Eli and Noah break down The Lock In, a movie that carves out its own genre somewhere between "found footage horror", and "My bad, I thought I'd turned the camera off."  When three friends find a nudie magazine in a dumpster, it never occurs to them that it might be possessed by demons, because that would be insane.  But that's actually what happens in this vapid waste of pixels. The...

In this week's episode, comedian Micah Sherman joins us to break down a movie so jingoistic the American flags are made up of smaller American flags.  Last Ounce of Courage is a retelling of The Grinch That Stole Christmas from the point of view of the mayor of Whoville, a Vietnam veteran whose obsession with Jesus stems from untreated PTSD.If you'd like to hear more from Micah, you can check h...

In this week's episode, Eli, Noah, and Heath break down Catching Faith; a movie based on a Christian coloring book for grown-ups that revolves around a mother's tireless effort to snitch on her teenage son for drinking and destroy his football dreams in the process.  And it's as bad as that sounds.And if you'd like to hear more from our maestro, Ryan Slotnick, check out Evil Giraffes on Mars's ...

In this week’s episode, special guest masochist Nick Morgan-Moore joins us to break down Brother White, a movie that falls somewhere in the racism spectrum between War Room and Mein Kampf. If you can’t get enough of Nick’s sexy Australian accent, you can also hear him on The Imaginary Friends Show and The Atheist Apocalypse.  You can also follow him on Twitter, or subscribe to his YouTube Ch...

In this week's episode, we tackle the exciting conclusion to the exciting conclusion to the Left Behind trilogy, and rejoice in not having to watch another Kirk Cameron movie next week.By the way, if anybody's up for Eli's Brother White preview challenge, you can find the preview here. If you'd like to hear more from Ryan Slotnick, you can check out Evil Giraffes on Mars as well.

This week we tackle Left Behind 2: Tribulation Force, described by critics as the Attack of the Clones of Kirk Cameron's filmography.  In this film, a team of post-apocalyptic Christians team up to worship the guy whose plan the apocalypse was; while impotently trying to stop the thing they all agree is both necessary and inevitable. Special thanks to guest masochist Nick Carillo, without whom...

In this episode, we embark upon an entire trilogy of increasingly crazy Kirk Cameron apocalypse movies.  We break down part one of the Left Behind triology with the help of special guest masochist Devin Heater.If you'd like to follow Devin on Twitter, you can do so here. If you'd like to learn more about Devin's show, GUS (Generic Underground Shelter), you can follow them on Facebook, Twitter,...

War Room, the story of a magical black woman teaching someone how to overcome emotional abuse by talking to an invisible wizard in a closet.  Not only is it the least interesting to ever contain the word “war” in the title; it’s also probably the least interesting movie about closets. If you'd like to hear more from guest masochist Keisha Zollar, you can find more of work at the following li...

No Greater Love, a story of forbidden love, scenery chewing, and musical montages that starts boring and ends crazy.  Join Eli Bosnick, Heath Enwright, Noah Lugeons, and special guest Meg Griffiths for our review. Meg’s website: http://www.meggriffiths.com/ Meg’s Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/user/MegGriffiths Evil Giraffes on Mars: http://evilgiraffesonmars.com/

If you'd like to watch Miracle Man for free (not recommended), you can find it here.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XfQDU3Lphrs If you'd like to hear more of Ryan Slotnick (recommended), you can find him here.Evil Giraffes on Mars